i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
