just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
