is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize