Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
one might say we're banned from that church
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
