You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
