jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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