Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
