shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
