I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I deserve this hangover.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
