why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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