It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
