Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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