i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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