Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
