Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
