Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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