How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
