I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
