now i know why i became what i already was.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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