so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
