I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
