I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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