I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
