This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
