but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
