he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
