is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
