your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
