Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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