Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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