when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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