you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
