I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
