chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
