he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize