She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
