My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
