There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
