I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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