We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
