Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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