you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize