ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
