dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
