Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
