I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
