So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
