took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
