it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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