im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
