I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
