If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
