My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
