I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
