better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
BRING THE BAGELS
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
