Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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