I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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