im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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