I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
