She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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