Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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