she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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