whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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