If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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