Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
