dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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