Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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