Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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